Y'all! @paul2009has SOLVED this issue. Honestly I'm not sure how he did it, because I've spoken to other SS experts on the matter and they had no idea/told me it wasn't possible to get breadcrumbs.
BUT he did it! He created a plugin that's super affordable here: https://sf.digital/breadcrumbs-extension
It's so so so worth it! The instructions they provide after purchase are easy to follow and the breadcrumbs work perfectly on desktop. For now they are hidden on mobile, because of the size of the screen—but honestly desktop is where it was necessary.
Thank you thank you thank you, Paul!